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lostid
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![]() Posted: Post subject: I never wanted a "husband" |
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Hi,
I am new to this whole married passions site it doesn't look really busy but I thought I'd post any way.
I have been married for 12 years next month. I got married on a whim after we had a baby with the idea that we would not be the stereotypical married couple. I have kept this notion for 12 years and it has gotten me through but I have come to the shocking reality that we have become very much the stereotypical couple. MY WORST FEAR! It explains some of the frustration, anger, bitterness and heartache I have endured over the years. Now I am completely at a lost on what to do. I did not want a "husband" which to me has always appeared to be just another kid and I never wanted to be a "wife' with no self identity. However this is what we have become and I am miserable.
No one has done anything wrong but I did not want a relationship like this nor did I want to be stuck in as a desperate housewife yet here I am. Now I am forced to live this life and try to be content. I guess I was hoping to have a relationship outside my marriage and motherhood that reminded me who I was or who I have become. I know I am so much more than this. I never thought this would happen to us I thought we were so much more evolved but when my husband brought home flowers today because he thought he upset me... I knew. He sees me only as his wife and he tries to be the perfect "husband". He no longer sees me as a sexy vibrant woman or value me as an individual I am but an extension of him, a nurturer, caretaker, bedmate, etc.
I am sure there are some women out there that would absolutely love to a "wife" however I am not one of them.
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oscar67
oscar67
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August 28, 2009
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`i can relate . been in a similar fog for 15yrs. i love being married and a father of 2 great sons . the marriage is a hollow image of what i had hope for in my life . i still have hope but i to feel like life has more to offer. i wish i could find the fix to breath life into this marriage. we are so far apart as people . i wander if it will get any better sometimes.
have you give up on the marriage or do you think there is any way it could be made into more of what you need?
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tna332009
tna332009
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January 20, 2010
Posts: 1
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I also can relate, I have been married 13 years. I feel like I lost who I am, I also married young and feel like I didn't get to experience things I should have. I have only ever been with my hubby so I guess that is why I am on this site. I feel bad but then I also feel miserable in my marriage but feel obligated because of vows and childeren.
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smoothangel
smoothangel
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January 23, 2010
Posts: 1
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big1foru7
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`i am sorry that you all have to feel that way. No one should ever have to lose their true identity.
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chazzc
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`I have to say that I agree. Things change over time, feelings, personalities, and personal values. Does coming to that realization that the person you married and you are not the same make you a failure? I do not believe that is true. How we handle that realization is what is important. I believe that avoiding hurting others is of high importance. Being true to yourself is also important, finding balance should be a goal. Maybe this does not make much sense.
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